I’m in fourth grade, its Valentines Day, and I got hold of some Spider-Man branded Valentines cards. Rules are, you hand them out to everyone, no one is left out. My fourth grade self made damn sure that everyone got the same exact, boring, generic, platonic card from me. Everyone except my fourth grade crush of course. Samantha something. Her card was Doctor Octopus, a six-armed Spider-Man villain, shouting “I can’t wait to get my arms around you!” A clear as day declaration of my feelings, all on the table.

One by one, she went through her cards and I waited for her reaction across the classroom. Finally, she held and read mine, looked to me, and called out… “EWWWWWWW KYLE!?”

My fourth grade self was crushed, never forget it.